When the Unexpected Happens..
There are certain life situations that we all think we’re invisible from or immune to. We think that would never happen to me. The chance never even crosses our minds. We’re blind to it, until it actually happens. Earlier this year, at 37 years old, I suffered from a stroke. What I thought was an oncoming inconvenience of the seasonal flu turned out to be a blood clot cutting off oxygen to my brain. And get this, I’m a critical care nurse, so of course I was blinded by the symptoms I was being presented. I swear sometimes nurses make the worst patients. I thought I was having chills and fatigue from the flu I caught at work. It wasn’t until I got in the shower and couldn’t feel the water pressure or temperature on the whole right side of my body that I even considered it being anything serious. I instantly thought, “Oh fuck, this isn’t good,” I got myself to the ER, spent five days at the hospital I work at as a patient (0/10 recommend), and went home to begin my journey to recovery.
I have to admit, I came out of the situation extremely lucky, and the deficits I suffered could have been much, much worse. However, it did bless me with a new appreciation of life and how I would like to live it. I’ve gained new perspectives and cravings to change things I didn’t like before. Over the last three months, I’ve really tried to make an effort to celebrate the small victories, give myself grace, and realize how precious life is. It’s so damn important to concentrate on the good things because tomorrow isn’t promised to us and it’s honestly so fuckin silly to waste our time on negativity. I think sometimes in life, we’re given challenges, and those challenges turn into opportunities to make changes.
I’m sort of embarrassed to reveal to the world the truth about how I was living, my previous thoughts, and all the other humiliating things as humans we can’t bring ourselves to admit to and say out loud. I will admit before my episode, I was a bit of a negative Nancy, but a closeted one, which is the worst type. I was a bitch. On the outside, I looked normal, happy, positive, but on the inside, I was full of anxiety, worry, and tension. I knew long before my stroke that there were certain behaviors I didn’t like and wanted to change, but I couldn’t actually commit to making the necessary adjustments to change. Now is my chance. So, join my journey of continued recovery and adjusting my life to help me live it to the fullest instead of wasting it on the stupid shit that doesn’t even matter. I want to share the raw and the real, the struggles and the things that work, and everyhing in between.
The power is in the rewrite. Here’s the start of redefining priorities, embracing life, and healing out loud.
Xo-J
